"I have always wanted to ask my father, 'Why?'...
Now I never will"

Children at the Rainbow House are full of life as they enjoy their free time together. No matter their background, most of the children are motivated to create their own life.

"I am grown up now and engaged in my higher studies. I have come to accept what happened to my mother."

My name is Kavita* and I was born in Goa. My parents were Goans in every sense of the word and I had a typical Goan upbringing till my 6th birthday. This is the time I became aware that not everything was right within my mother and father.

My father came home drunk most of the days of the week and on Sundays he was worse. There were always violent fights between them for the smallest or silliest of reasons. The fights would keep all the neighbours awake for most of the night. My life which so far was comfortable suddenly became a life of uncertainty and fear. One night things got so far out of hand that my father soaked my mother with kerosene and set her on fire. He then immediately came to his senses and tried to save her and got horribly burnt in the process. My mother died a horrible death burnt by the man she had vowed to love all her life.

The incident scarred and deformed my father to such an extent that he became a recluse. He never mixed around with anyone and he did not have a friend in this world. He was rarely seen in public after that.

A kind hearted social worker took pity on my plight and got me admitted into El Shaddai Homes for children. I have been here for the last many years. My father never ever came to visit me. The only reason he gave me was that he did not want my friends and colleagues to see what a badly deformed man he was.

I always wanted to ask him why things went wrong between my mother and him but never got the opportunity. Now I never will. He died last year maintaining his silence and keeping unanswered questions.

I am grown up now and engaged in my higher studies. I have come to accept what happened to my mother.

- As told to Santan Pinto, El Shaddai

Kavita is one of the many children at El Shaddai Homes who are just coming to grips with their past and striving to make a future for themselves. The First Person monthly column is an effort to focus attention on the positives of life.

Names of children in this series are changed to maintain their privacy.